Us Pakistanis are a unique set of people indeed! Our culture, traditions and values are appreciable in every way and form. Yet, sometimes we tend to exaggerate any minute detail and make a big deal out of it! Here’s a list of ten silly things that Pakistanis indulge in, that might get your funny bone to tickle.
1.Misplaced concerns are the worst!
I’d like to call out the parents for this one! Pakistani ammis and abus are to blame for their misplaced concerns. A trip down to the grocery store at 8am could potentially mean ten armed robbers lying in wait for me, at least a dozen gang of kidnappers on the loose and wild, rabid animals ready to devour me! “Beta, this is Karachi”, is their best defense in the weakest case! Their concerns for our safety make Jurassic Park sound like a leisure park as compared to Karachi!
2. Wedding jibes
Have you ever been to a wedding in Pakistan? Sure you have. Despite all the happiness, glitz, glamour and feasting, there are always relatives or more appropriately, rishtedaars who do their bit to tick you off! A wedding is the only time you and a couple other hundred relatives (yup, only in Pakistani weddings) have to face each other. Whilst you might start off the interaction with friendly compliments, all you’re bound to get is,”You seem to have forgotten about us” or “Thank you for noticing us, your Majesty” sort of rants. The worst part is, the same people never visit or call upon you but expect you to do your best for them!
3. The perfect rishta
Only in Pakistan, do parents long for their children’s weddings more than the children themselves! As soon as a young son becomes successful in securing a decent job, the sister from the household is immediately tasked by the mother of the household, to start the biwi hunt! As per Pakistani parents, the bride-to-be must be decent by definition. This means that she must be averse to the slightest hints of male interaction, must be shy and yhes, you guessed it, round rotis are a must! For the guy, his past should not be casanovic and the larger the bank balance, the better!
4. The politician is always right!
How many times have we seen political workers or more appropriately, siyaasi kaarkunaan battling it out on the streets over the simplest of matters? Whilst Imran sips tea in his mansion and Nawaz enjoys an official trip overseas, supporters of both parties remain busy tearing the other party’s posters apart. Hurling stones, screaming obscenities or thrashing each other, Pakistanis blindly follow their political leaders regardless of their dubious personalities!
5. Speaking English is always a plus!
For the rest of the world, speaking English is the most natural thing in the world. It’s just a language; a medium to convey your thoughts, ideas, expressions and emotions. For Pakistanis, speaking English equals the Nobel Prize! A lad or lass that can master the art of speaking fluent English is modern, educated, wealthy and of lofty status! No wonder we respect foreigners; seeing as it is the art of speaking English comes naturally to them!
6. Superstitions and their creative nature!
Almost every other Pakistani household believes that playing with scissors can break up marriages! Hiccups are usually caused by someone missing you and demon spirits reside on trees. If all these superstitions were to be true, the world would certainly be an amazing place to be. Breaking up marriages would no longer require a great dealing of Saas-Bahu confrontations; a simple snip of the scissors and you’re done with the wedlock! Celebrities would often undergo treatment for acute hiccuping every now and then, on account of their global fan base exceeding millions. A romantic evening in the park can go awry due to any one of the couple being possessed!
7. The American hate phenomena!
Hate for America is beyond doubt the best ways to win over respect from the general masses. Politicians make use of it frequently in Pakistan. Leave aside important issues like water, electricity, GDP growth, health care or a secure homeland. Our vote is for any and everybody who hates the devil, America. Every other Pakistani vies for that Green Card though!
8. How Pakistanis rate beauty: Only fairness counts!
Everyone wants a beautiful bride or groom. The mothers, when they embark on a mission to find suitable wives for their sons, look for one aspect in particular; fairness! Male suitors should also sport a fair complexion or he might as well not come forward with his marriage proposal. The fairer the female/male, the better looking he/she is. Since when were looks confined to complexion? Haven’t these people heard of or seen Ajay Devgan, Kajol, Christiano Ronaldo, Kim Kardashian or Jada Smith? Fairness does not count always, in all fairness!
9. Blame it on the new generation!
The new generation always has pointed fingers and glaring looks cast it’s way. We are responsible for the ills of the nation on account of our lack of values, inadequate knowledge of social norms and inexcusable immorality. The fact often overlooked or deliberately swept under the carpet is that most of the bureaucrats, politicians, criminals and business tycoons responsible for the mess our country is currently in, do not belong to our age group!
10.The salaam initiative!
Be it a wedding, social event or even a funeral, the greeting tussle is a must! Regardless of age and association, ties can make or break if you do not initiate the greeting of another relative! The salaam, in the Pakistani society is often treated as one person’s victory for honor and the other person’s humiliating defeat!