A Minecraft Movie: A Loud, Chaotic Mess That Doesn’t Even Try

Over the past decade, films based on children’s toys and games have evolved far beyond cheap cash-grabs. The LEGO Movie and Barbie proved that these adaptations could be smart, self-aware, and even profound—packed with sharp humor, memorable music, and something meaningful to say. So, how does A Minecraft Movie measure up? Judging by its awkward, no-definite-article title, the answer is simple: it doesn’t even try.

A Sensory Assault of Color and Noise

This isn’t to say the film lacks energy—it’s just that all of it is misplaced. From Jason Momoa’s blinding hot-pink, tasseled leather jacket to Jack Black’s relentless, pantomime-level overacting, the movie is a relentless barrage of garish visuals and ear-splitting noise. The action sequences are a chaotic jumble of blocky, video-game-inspired mayhem, including a bizarre aerial chase set to the B-52’s “Love Shack” (featuring fireball-spitting squid balloons) and a wrestling match where Momoa fights a baby zombie riding a chicken. If that sounds exhausting to read, imagine watching it for 90 minutes. The overall effect is like being smacked in the face with a bag of sugar-coated candy—bright, abrasive, and ultimately unsatisfying.

Director Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite, Nacho Libre) brings some of his signature offbeat humor to the real-world segments, set in the aggressively quirky town of Chuglass. These scenes have a slacker charm, but they’re drowned out by the film’s louder, dumber instincts. Meanwhile, the Minecraft world itself is rendered with faithful blockiness, though “faithful” doesn’t mean “pleasing to look at.” The film’s aesthetic is best described as aggressively ugly—like a high-budget YouTube machinima with delusions of grandeur.

A Story That Couldn’t Be Bothered

Where A Minecraft Movie truly collapses is in its complete disregard for narrative and character. The plot hinges on a MacGuffin literally referred to as “a cool thingy”—a telling sign of the film’s half-hearted approach. Unlike The LEGO Movie or Barbie, which cleverly framed their worlds in relation to reality, this movie doesn’t bother with context. It just plops viewers into its universe with a shrug: “Here it is, deal with it.”

The characters are equally lazy. Momoa plays the same boisterous, meat-headed archetype he’s been stuck in since Aquaman, while the rest of the cast fills out tired roles: the awkward-but-creative kid (Sebastian Eugene Hansen), the responsible older sister-turned-action-hero (Emma Myers), the sassy sidekick (Danielle Brooks), and Jack Black doing his usual Jack Black schtick. None of them evolve beyond their basic tropes, making it impossible to care about their journey.

Even the musical numbers—usually a highlight in films like this—fall flat. Aside from a forgettable, poorly dubbed finale, the songs feel like rejected commercial jingles, lacking the wit or catchiness of Everything Is Awesome or I’m Just Ken.

A Few Fleeting Nods to Fans—But Not Enough

To its credit, the film does sprinkle in a few Easter eggs for die-hard Minecraft fans. The most touching is a cameo by a crown-wearing pig, a tribute to YouTuber Technoblade, who passed away from cancer at 23. Moments like these suggest that someone involved actually cared about the source material. But these brief flashes of sincerity are buried under the film’s overwhelming laziness.

The movie seems aware of its own shortcomings, occasionally winking at the audience as if to say, “Yeah, we know this is dumb.” But self-awareness alone isn’t enough. A bad play can joke about being bad, but that doesn’t make it good—it just makes it a bad play that knows it’s bad.

Verdict: More ‘Bust’ Than ‘Block’

In the end, A Minecraft Movie is a hyperactive, migraine-inducing mess—a film so convinced of its own zany charm that it forgets to be entertaining. It doesn’t elevate its source material like The LEGO Movie or satirize it like Barbie; instead, it wallows in its own mediocrity, mistaking noise for substance and chaos for creativity.

For a game about building worlds, this adaptation feels shockingly uninspired. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a half-finished dirt hut—functional enough to exist, but not worth remembering. If you’re looking for a smart, fun family film, you’re better off rewatching The LEGO Movie. If you’re looking for a Minecraft movie… well, maybe just play the game instead.