SATIRE: Arnab Goswami provides proof of Pakistan’s hand in Uri attack, India’s surgical strike

TODAY’s CONFUSE HOUR ON TIMES-HOW PRESENTED TO YOU BY ARNAB GOSWAMI

Viewers, as is the norm, your favourite anchor, politician, analyst, sainik, superstar and everything under the sooraya (sun), Arnab Goswami is here with you with his court-cum-show “The Confuse Hour” on your favourite television channel TIMES –HOW.

Today, like all other days, I have come up with a new demand that we must ban all the winds coming from Pakistan whether they enter Mumbai, Delhi or any other Indian city.

Why?

As today I will come up with the most shocking yet already declared authentic and undeniable proof that Pakistan, yes, Pakistan’s winds not only turn our Hindu youth towards extremism but are a part of the ‘already proven’ Pakistani link behind the Uri attack.

Not only a link but a hand, but a full human being Madam Noor Jahan who predicted the attack which proves that the attack was planned in Pakistan for years.

Yes, Noor Jahan.

So, viewers stay tuned as in the second session I will also prove that on September 29, India actually carried out a surgical strike in Pakistani territory and destroyed the terrorist network responsible for the Mongol attack on Baghdad, the great fire of London, the great fire of Rome.

Pakistan, as you know, even backed Nero’s succession to throne which allowed him to fiddle while Rome burned.

Pakistan provided Brutus the dagger with which he killed Caesar.

So, stay tuned, we will be right back after this advertisement.

PROVING PAKISTAN’S INVOLVEMENT IN URI ATTACK?

So, India now I am presenting before you the logic, the evidence that (I myself created to get ratings for this show) that the Pakistan is not only involved in the Uri attack but the attack was a pre-planned ─mind you, a pre-planned attempt by Pakistan, planned for years and revealed through a code.

Yes, Just Listen to this Noor Jahan Song

Main Udi Udi Jawan Hawa Day Naal

Now you must be thinking as to how this song is a proof that Pakistan is involved in the Uri attack or how Noor Jahan predicted it ….

So buddies…. Just translate these lines in to Hindi or Urdu… (Main Uri Uri Jaun Hawa Kay Saath).

Two times Uri, Uri and the promise to come there with winds…..Oh my God… Now I have proved that Pakistan is involved in the Uri attack.

And this is why I demand a complete ban on Pakistani winds as they are extremist like Pakistani actors and bring with them the extremism which turns our RSS and Bajrang Dal guys towards Hindu Extremism.

STAY TUNED GUYS… NEXT I WILL PROVE THAT INDIA ACTUALLY CARRIED OUT A SURGICAL STRIKE INSIDE PAKISTANI TERRITORY.

PROVING THE SURGICAL STRIKE

WELCOME BACK VIEWERS,

NOW, TO PROVE FOR THE LAST TIME, AND AFTER WHAT I SHOW YOU TODAY. YOU MUST NOT QUESTION THE INDIAN ARMY CLAIM OF SURGICAL STRIKE. OTHERWISE, I WILL SPIT ON YOUR FACE AND WON’T LISTEN TO YOU AND BOMBARD YOU WITH TWITTER TRENDS LIKE I DID WITH RAHUL GANDHI.

So, viewers, as is my style, I am telephoning a Pakistani soldier in Kashmir or what they call Azad Kashmir and now see how he will accept the fact of surgical strike?

Just listen to my conversation with him…

Goswami: Hello

Soldier: Yes

Goswami: I am your senior Colonel XYZ.

Soldier: Yes Sir.

Goswami: How about buying some mangoes from India-Occupied Kashmir tomorrow?

Soldier: Sir Jee Kal Strike Ha Wahan. (Tomorrow the area will be closed due to strike)

Goswami hangs up…

Now, viewers just listen to the Pakistani soldier’s words… just listen to what he said.

Sir-Jee-Kal-Strike-Ha (There is a surgical strike)

PROVEN, PROVEN, PROVEN…… Remember viewers, this guy is on Pakistan side of Kashmir and he just accepted that there is a surgical strike!!!!

Yahooo… thus proven that India carried out a surgical strike and that I am the most patriotic Indian and only I have the ability to silence all the sane voices in politics and film industry and Timbuktu like jaan, mehman and Halwa puris of India who love Pakistan.

Plus, viewers, I never allow anyone to speak and like all the previous episodes of my program, this episode too was all about me.

Did you even feel that I had 12 penalists in today’s episode? Did You?

Note: This blog is a work of satire