Is It Okay to Feel This Way? Learning About Emotional Abuse from Parents

In many Asian families, parents are deeply respected, and their authority is rarely questioned. It’s common to hear things like “they do it because they love you” or “you should be grateful no matter what.” Because of this, it can feel almost impossible to talk about the ways parents might hurt us emotionally. The idea that a parent could be abusive—especially without ever raising a hand—feels strange, even shameful. But just because something is rarely talked about doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Emotional abuse is real, and it happens in families everywhere, including in Asian homes. It’s important for children to understand that love should never feel like fear, and that respect doesn’t mean staying silent when you’re being hurt. This article will help you understand what emotional abuse from a parent can look like—so you can name it, recognize it, and know that it’s okay to ask for help.

Look for signs

Sometimes, kids feel confused or sad because of how grown-ups treat them—especially their parents. Parents are supposed to love, protect, and guide their children. They’re there to help you grow, feel safe, and learn about the world. But what happens when the way they treat you doesn’t feel kind, fair, or loving? What if they’re always making you feel bad about yourself? That could be a sign of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse is when someone hurts your feelings over and over again, in a way that makes you feel small, scared, or like you don’t matter. Even though it doesn’t leave bruises or cuts on your body, it can hurt just as much inside. It can be hard to spot, especially when it comes from someone you love. But it’s important to know what it looks like so you can speak up and get help if you need it.

If a parent yells at you all the time, calls you names, or says mean things to make you feel dumb or useless, that’s not okay. It’s normal for parents to get upset sometimes, but if they scream at you often or say things just to hurt your feelings, that’s not normal or fair. Some parents might ignore you on purpose when they’re mad, refusing to talk to you or show you love for days. That kind of silent treatment can make you feel lonely and confused, and it’s not the way to solve problems.

Sometimes, a parent might always blame you for everything that goes wrong, even when it’s not your fault. Or they might try to control everything you do—what you say, how you feel, or even who you spend time with—and get angry when you speak up or ask questions. You might find yourself feeling nervous around them all the time, like you have to be extra careful just so they don’t explode or punish you. That’s not how it should be.

If you’ve been feeling like you’re never good enough, like everything is always your fault, or like you’re scared at home, those are big signs that something’s wrong. And here’s something important you should always remember none of this is your fault. You didn’t cause it, and you don’t deserve it.

What you can do is talk to someone you trust. That could be a teacher, school counselor, a friend’s parent, or even a doctor. If it’s too hard to talk, you can write your feelings down and give them to a grown-up you trust.

You deserve to feel safe. You deserve love and kindness. You deserve to be heard. If someone in your life—yes, even a parent—is making you feel scared or worthless all the time, it’s okay to ask for help. You’re not alone, and there are people who care and want to help you feel better. Always remember, your feelings matter.