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“I’ve surrendered” Irrfan Khan on his battle with cancer

MUMBAI: Bollywood actor Irrfan Khan has finally confirmed that he is suffering from a high-grade neuroendocrine cancer. He penned down a special letter that said that cancer he’d been diagnosed with was rare and had more unpredictability of its treatment.

In an emotional note, he said,

“It’s been quite sometime now since I have been diagnosed with a high-grade neuroendocrine cancer. This new name in my vocabulary, I got to know, was rare, and due to fewer study cases, and less information comparatively, the unpredictability of the treatment was more. I was part of a trial-and-error game. I had been in a different game, I was traveling on a speedy train ride, had dreams, plans, aspirations, goals, was fully engaged in them. And suddenly someone taps on my shoulder and I turn to see. It’s the TC: “Your destination is about to come. Please get down.” I am confused: “No, no. My destination hasn’t come.” “No, this is it. This is how it is sometimes.”

“The suddenness made me realize how you are just a cork floating in the ocean with UNPREDICTABLE currents! And you are desperately trying to control it.”

The hospital he’s currently being treated for cancer stating is across the road from the world famous cricket stadium, Lord’s.

He wrote, “As I was entering the hospital, drained, exhausted, listless, I hardly realized my hospital was on the opposite side of Lord’s, the stadium. The Mecca of my childhood dream. Amidst the pain, I saw a poster of a smiling Vivian Richards. Nothing happened, as if that world didn’t ever belong to me.

“This hospital also had a coma ward right above me. Once, while standing on the balcony of my hospital room, the peculiarity jolted me. Between the game of life and the game of death, there is just a road. On one side, a hospital, on the other, a stadium. As if one isn’t part of anything which might claim certainty – neither the hospital nor the stadium. That hit me hard.”

The popular Bollywood actor then revealed that he had finally surrendered himself to his fate adding that ‘the only thing certain was the uncertainty.’

He wrote, “All I could do was to realize my strength and play my game better. This realization made me submit, surrender and trust, irrespective of the outcome, irrespective of where this takes me, eight months from now, or four months from now, or two years. The concerns took a back seat and started to fade and kind of went out of my mind space.

“For the first time, I felt what ‘freedom’ truly means. It felt like an accomplishment. As if I was tasting life for the first time, the magical side of it. My confidence in the intelligence of the cosmos became absolute. I feel as if it has entered every cell of mine.”

In March this year, Irrfan had revealed he had been diagnosed with NeuroEndocrine Tumour adding that learning about the disease ‘has admittedly been difficult.’ He had written,

“The unexpected makes us grow, which is what the past few days have been. Learning that I have been diagnosed with NeuroEndocrine Tumour as of now has admittedly been difficult, but the love and strength of those around me and that I found within me has brought me to place of hope.

“The journey of this is taking me out of the country, and I request everyone to continue sending their wishes. As for the rumors that were floated, NEURO is not always about the brain and googling is the easiest way to do research. To those who waited for my words, I hope to be back with more stories to tell.”

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